Scarlet

Scarlet (quick)

Never ending winter

I'm tired of all this cold, I'm an autumn/spring kind of person and I'm SICK of this winter. It really stops me from doing anything. When it's sunny I wake up early, I do things, I read, I draw, I play...but when it's cold I can't really concentrate on what I have to do, I just can't relax and so I end up sitting in front of the pc downloading random TA bootlegs (just finished Plugged Tour, Strange Little Tour and Sinful Attraction Tour, I'm on my way to finish Dew Drop Inn) because I'm a sucker for live stuff. I just love when a song I don't like on an album turns out to be so good live. Live music doesn't have that gloss, that polish that studio recordings often have, it's more raw and visceral, and that's what I like in music: passion, humanity.

These days I'm writing random pieces of Imago Vocis. It's cool when you get ideas while writing. You leave the words to rest for one or two days and then, when you come back to read them, you find out that all you wrote SUCKS. This is a thing I've learned, I don't have to care about the form at this stage of the creative process, that's such a wrong thing to do. I used to, that's why I never completed any of my projects. Never finished a comic, never finished the City. All I've been able to conclude were a couple of short stories, that I keep on editing. Now I want to take all the time I need to do this, I don't want anybody to read it before the first draft it's done.

Uhm, these days I'm really missing people. I'm grateful there are still few friends talking to me through facebook or skype, but I'm really loosing contact with many people even tough I look for them.

He Belies The Faith - Marq

About the hand thing

First time I went to the doc he told me it was really unlikely that the issue was psoriasis. He asked me lots of questions about me, about my family, about the reasons why I left my home at the age of 19, if I had panic attacks, if I was having insomnia and such. He asked me if I'm short-tempered, used to fight and I said no, not really, I hate fighting, actually hearing other people screaming and fighting makes me feel nauseated and in panic. He told me to take small doses of Xanax for three weeks to see if they'd relieve my pains, and they did. I slept better and more, the hand pain was almost gone, but overall better.

So I went back to the doc and told him so. He told me well, so now we know it's a psicological issue, so we might try this other psychotropic drug that you'll have to take for the next six months....I stopped him and told him I had left my workplace and I was planning to take some months of rest at home. So he said 'ok so no drugs for you'. Phew.

The thing that scares me is: when I'll find another workplace, will I have to take those drugs?? I mean I know the pain will be back, I'm still having annoying twinges in the night, I can remember myself grabbing and kneading my wrists to relieve the pain several times (no, it really seems like my body completely forgot how to relax)...so what, drugs are the only possible cure to this fucking, annoying, condition? yuppie.

And another thing I have to say. I really really hope that whoever shows disrespect towards my girl is going to have a really horrible life. How the hell can you treat such a tiny and sweet thing in such a rude way? Go fuck yourself, moron.

Yersin! 2

Yersin!

Nuke Mama

Now that I'm done with the Xanax, with work and stuff my hands are feeling better. The pain keeps on showing up at times, especially in the night, but not as intense as before. I'm still NOT relaxed at all, but I'm more relaxed then I was one month ago.

These days I'm on heavy dream flow, places are back. Now we have distant doors hidden between layers and layers of green curtains.

I was in this house with a lot of doors, it was a really big house with a big garden. While looking for the exit door I took the wrong way and ended up in some sort of internal greenhouse, with a couple of vintage white armchairs, a tiny round table and lots of plants in the twilight. All closed behind glass doors. I tarried in that room because I liked ita a lot, I felt at home, then the owner of the house called me to show me the right door, the distant one after all those layers of green drapes. Anyway, I couldn't reach the door fast because in the corridor there were these...I called them witches but they weren't all witches. There was some deformed guy who resembled Hitler and some other weird creature. They stopped me and kept me to draw for them. When I left the house I went to a meadow. It was the sunset, and I was there with this table and a couple of desklamps. And they worked, like there were electric outlets somewhere around. I had paper sheets spread all around the table and I was there drawing, but the hour was late and the sun was going down quickly. I called my boyfriend to tell him I was on my way home. Before I could gather my stuff the sun disappeared behind a hill and the lamps shut down aswell. I was left in deep darkness, unprepared and confused.